April Fools’ edition — Time travel, caffeine, Zootopia, yippee-ki-yay, AI, Loki, and the new tPhone

March 28, 2022 —

Photo and graphics by Michael Ashley

THEME: April Fools’ edition — Time travel, caffeine, Zootopia, yippee-ki-yay, AI, Loki, and the new tPhone


  • Time travel achieved! Stunning scientists worldwide, President Putin has achieved the dream of time travel not just for himself, but for an entire nation, taking Russia back 30 to 70-years to pre-Gorbachev eras, erasing decades of progress, globalization, westernization, and modern international and social media connectivity
  • Yippee-Ki-Yay: Once Ukraine wins the war, Netflix has announced that they will try to enlist President Zelensky to reboot the Die Hard movie franchise and reprise Bruce Willis’s role–he’d be a great John McClane🎬
  • DAO: A Running Point decentralized autonomous organization (DAO) will bid on the Chelsea Football Club ⚽being sold by Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich — wish us luck so that our DAO is not DOA😉


  • Caffeine addiction: Howard Schultz is returning (again) as Starbucks CEO — actually true☕
  • Hands up: The CDC further relaxed COVID guidelines saying children under eight can go back to washing their hands once a week — Kids across the U.S. are rejoicing💦
  • Senpai Ramen: The world’s first omakase ramen restaurant, with 90-minute 7-course meals, opened in Sydney — actually true — the concept might also work well in L.A.🍜


  • MetaNoMore: Meta (formerly Facebook) is changing its name again, this time simply to the alien emoji👽
  • NVIDIA announces H100 Hopper GPU with up to 16896 FP32 cores, 80GB HBM3 memory, 700W of TDP — a factual headline🙈 — The H100 accelerates problem-solving techniques and algorithms for genomics, quantum computing, and optimization
  • AI-cronyms: In technology, AI stands for artificial intelligence. In finance, AI stands for alternative investments. But what if your alternative investment is in artificial information? That’s when you may have “alternative information” or an “artificial investment” — Running Point will start using alternative information to evaluate artificial investments; this will be our edge😉
  • Zootopia: Zoom’s new avatar filter turns one into a virtual animal during video meetings and conferences — for realz🐰🦊
  • Instacut: Private company Instacart slashed its valuation -40%, from $39B to $24B, in its latest funding round — not a joke!
  • THC: Also down is The Honest Company founded by Jessica Alba, a more than -80% plummet since it started publicly trading 11 months ago — honestly
  • Blissfeel: Lululemon’s first footwear is for sale; pastel-hued running shoes for women — Lulu-true


  • Woke: Locally sourced cryptocurrencies (known as local token coins or “Lokins” for short and symbolized by the Norse deity Loki) are in vogue as investors desire to reduce their environmental footprint🌿
  • tPhone: Tesla enters the mobile market with its new tPhone that uses Musk’s Starlink for connectivity — not true, but very conceivable
  • Live and on stage at the Oscars, Will Smith punched Chris Rock in the face after Chris joked in poor taste about Jada Pinket Smith’s hair loss (a symptom of alopecia) — not a joke


  • Privates: Last week I met with peers and managers at Carmo’s Private Markets Secondaries summit in Santa Monica, the ALTSLA alternative investment conference in downtown Los Angeles (DTLA), and the Podcast Movement Evolutions conference also in DTLA — true

Best wishes for the week ahead😃,

Michael Ashley Schulman, CFA
Partner / Chief Investment Officer

“We deliver bespoke investment solutions, innovations, and unique perspectives to you and your family.”

Disclosure: The opinions expressed are those of Running Point Capital Advisors, LLC (Running Point) and are subject to change without notice. The opinions referenced are as of the date of publication, may be modified due to changes in the market or economic conditions, and may not necessarily come to pass. Forward-looking statements cannot be guaranteed. Running Point is an investment adviser registered with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training. More information about Running Point’s investment advisory services and fees can be found in its Form ADV Part 2, which is available upon request. RP-22–10

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Originally published on LinkedIn.com.



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Michael Ashley Schulman

Michael Ashley Schulman

Avid traveler and art fan, also Partner & Chief Investment Officer @Running Point Capital, a multifamily office and ultra high-net-worth money-management firm